In light of the shocking news that toddlers killed more Americans last year than terrorists, we the people petition the Obama Administration to Immediately begin enacting security measures to counter this new threat.
We ask that:
* Toddlers be subject to increased screening at airports, or due to the difficulty of identifying real toddlers, anyone under the age of 65.
* The President use his executive authority to begin authorizing drone strikes on known toddler enclaves, or locations where toddlers are known to hide such as under the kitchen table, or in forts made out of couch cushions. In order to limit civilian casualties, anyone under the age of 18 in the strike zone shall also be considered a toddler.
For our safety, please do not bother to follow due process or the constitution