Jim Gaffigan, the beloved American comedian with pasty white skin, has been entertaining audiences around this great country for years. His hilarious jokes about everything from bacon to chubby whales have made him one of America's truffles.
We believe that this administration should award his hard work by adopting him as the official comedian of the United States.
Since the formation of this country, we have adopted national symbols such as the Bald Eagle, Roses, and songs about bombs bursting in air. But now it is time to add a new kind of national symbol: official comedian.