Every day, thousands of otherwise intelligent and hard-working Americans of all ages suffer from a plight of overwhelming scale. Through a number of factors, not all of which are under their control, they find themselves incapable of attaining reasonably high scores in the popular mobile game "Flappy Bird".
With the Olympic games upon us, we cheer for our athletes to bring home the gold. The inaction of the US Government as to the tragic suffering of millions of domestic "Flappy Bird" players being forced to do without their well-deserved gold medals must stop. With a suitable amount of funding, tutoring programs for these helpless players will be able to expand their services, and millions of players will no longer have to settle for silver and bronze medals.