Allow all people named Jordan exemption from federal taxes

Why should people named Jordan be exempt from all federal taxes? Why not?
While this petition is intended to benefit one specific person named Jordan, we feel it should be extended to all U.S. citizens with the same first name.
The Jordan in question is a single father of three, a hard-working, responsible and semi-intelligent person with a good heart.
Jordan does not feel very well represented in the federal government and, in accordance with the revolutionary principle of "no taxation without representation," he does not feel he should be taxed.
Any similar petitions intended to benefit individuals named John, Mary, Ruth or any other first name should not positively or negatively affect the strength or future of the Jordan petition.