It has become painfully clear over the last decade or so that this nation is on its deathbed. It is with a heavy heart that I admit that the United States is too far gone and that there is no way to save it. The fiber that once held this nation together has been lost. We no longer have the grace of the divine guiding light of Funk. It is time to cast aside the old husk of this nation and start again, which is why I am calling on the Obama Administration to allow the secession of the entire nation and form America 2: Electoral Boogaloo. This is our last chance to save the soul of America. Out of the flames shall arise a new, stronger republic, dancing to the beat of liberty; a majectic Phoenix that shall boogie forevermore to the tune of freedom.
Gibb Bless America.