In any Western democratic republic, the citizens in said republics are expected to conform themselves and their behaviors according to the laws of the land; laws which most citizens have had no part in passing, and yet are expected to obey.
And all of this is FINE. So long as we grant individuals, groups, and states the right to secede (with the proviso that he/she/they must own land) when the demands of the Union and the demands of the individual/group/state are incommensurable with one another. In many cases, I believe the time to secede comes when the interests of the federal government are not consonant with the interests of the governed. And I think that we're almost there.
Make good on America's promises of liberty!