We ask President Barack Hussein Obama and his administration to peacefully grant the municipality of Suite 7B to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own new government. The right of the people to reconstitute their government if it becomes oppressive and onerous is clearly outlined in the Declaration of Independence. “Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it".
In forming a sovereign nation, we retain the human right to own toaster ovens and decorative wine bottles without fear of confiscation. In addition, we will grant citizens unlimited visitation rights for platonic male friends, boyfriends, and the occasional no strings-attached slam-piece.