When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the political bands which have connected his crown with his derriere and to assume, which makes a nincompoop out of thou and me, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We, the People of the United States of America, with only the utmost concern for Mr. Limbaugh's safety, call for his bottom to terminate its unlawful annexation of his head.