Americans continue to be denied their God-given right to free ice cream. We, the people, demand our government allows its states to mandate funds towards the purchase and distribution of ice cream found ONLY in local, in-state creameries and dairy farms. This "ice-cream fund" will stimulate local economies and surge national morale by at least 5% per annum.
A selection will be made available including the most common vanilla-based flavors: vanilla, strawberry, and mint. Chocolate will be made available to the general public, subject to an additional "cocoa tax" equal to 35c per scoop.
Ice-cream distribution will take place every Thursday, between the hours of 8 AM and 6 PM. Redeemable two (2) scoops per citizen.
Please sign this petition in the interest of national justice.