When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bonds of service to the United States military, this regretful termination of service to this great nation is often precipitated by inane uniform and personal conduct policies.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all uniforms have pockets and hands fit perfectly inside them, and they sheathe our knife hands gloriously. It must be acknowledged that placing one's hands in one's pockets is not a sign of disrespect, but a precautionary action to prevent injuries.
Therefore, these undeniable truths being told, the service members of the United States military respectfully request the President of the United States to restore our sacred right to place our hands in our pockets -- on or off duty.