Appoint me King of Texas

Insofar as the majority of Texans have shown themselves incapable of running their own state, and, to wit, have made a mockery of justice with rampant executions, the degradation of public education, an appalling jingoism, constant threats to secede from the union, and other crimes against rationality and good government, I hereby petition that the President appoint me, Walter Crockett, as King of Texas, to serve as a benevolent ruler, without pay or reimbursement other than a small palace in Austin with barbecue pit and jacuzzi and sufficient allowance to see some good music in town, until such time as the current minority population becomes the majority, and the current majority population becomes the minority.