Imagine this. You're in a canoe with Nicolas Cage. He's wearing a caterpillar costume. He looks at you, and in his iconic voice, he says, "A secret to the Declaration of Independence is hidden inside of this caterpillar costume, and it only activates when I ravage your bum." Now tell me, would you like your bum ravaged by Nicolas Cage in a caterpillar costume? No? Then sign the petition. For your freedom and well-being. For America.
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