Begin adoption procedures for the President and First Lady to officially and finally adopt me.

I hereby petition the President and First Lady of the United States of America to begin official procedures to adopt me. Being that I can no longer live under the tyrannical rule of my real parents and older brother, I wish to secede from their jail house and proceed to the White House. I will make a great son and brother. I'll even walk that ugly dog of ours, take out the trash, help out my new mom with the organic gardening, and help out my new dad with difficult foreign policy decisions. Additionally, I can help out in the kitchen. I'm a pretty good cook. So if America is ready for the First Family to add a nice Jewish boy to their happy bunch, then sign this petition now!