Terror reared its ugly head in the sleepy borough of Glen Rock, New Jersey this week in the form of a fart bomb placed on a doorstep. The stench of terror will hang in the Glen Rock air long after the stench of the fart bomb has faded. As such…
We the people of the borough of Glen Rock, in order to form a more perfect union do hereby declare that his excellency Mr. Barack Obama can make all of our Christmas wishes come true, if he would be so kind as to rule by executive order that the sale of 'fart bombs' be made illegal in the United States and all U.S. territories. And also if I could get a dirt bike for Christmas that would be awesome. Thank you and Merry Christmas to all the starving African kids from that Band Aid song…we should send them water or something.