There is a problem plaguing America. A heinous, horrific problem that is affecting the masses in such a negative way that people are dying. It is unhealthy, it is fattening, and it is a menace. What is it? That's right, Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew is chock full of things like sugar, caffeine and nasty chemicals, and is heavily impacting productivity. But that's okay, because we can change that, ladies and gentlemen. We can usher in a prosperous, happy new chapter, and it only takes one thing.... Change the name of Mountain Dew to Mountain Doo. This will allow us to say things like "Mountain Doooop." Which we know is hilarious. If you make this change, we can save our country, we can help America Blossom into the flower it was meant to be, and we can do it today. Thanks for reading.
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