Every once in a while a man comes along whose exploits must be immortalized. One such man is Jeremiah Morrow.
Raised by a pack of wolves, Jeremiah was discovered writing a thesis on quantum theory on a cave wall by spelunkers, and he quickly assimilated into human society. As a young boy, he pulled a car out of a ditch and saved the family of 4 trapped inside. He successfully negotiated the release of a dozen hostages at a local bank, and his plans for a fuel efficient hovercraft have been purchased by a large car manufacturer. He received enough write-in votes to be elected President, but will have to wait until he is old enough.
We should rename Cinco de Mayo to Cinco de Jeremayo, not because of his Hispanic heritage, but because he invented the margarita, and brewed the first Corona.