In honor of his glorious majesty Suleiman the Magnificent, we the people no longer to be wished to be governed under the name "The United States of America".
We hereby declare ourselves THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
Our demands are as follows.
1) Washington D.C. will be rebranded as Constantinople
2) President Obama will be now exclusively referred to as Glorious Sultan Suleiman (even by his closest associates and family)
3) The Supreme Court will be replaced by the office of Kadi Asker
4) Each man will have access to a Harrem with 5 concubines minimum.
5) Repeal of the 13th Amendment. Reinstitution of slave class.
6) Religious freedom, but Islam dominance.
7) Jannisaries.
8) Death to the Iranians and Shah Ismael!
9) West Virginia to be destroyed.
Sincerely,
M. Night Shyamalan.