I have recently learned that Scotland's national animal is a white horse with a conical horn protruding from the center of its forehead. Importantly, this animal, commonly referred to as a unicorn, does not exist.
By naming a mythical creature their national animal, Scotland has established a bold new precedent - one which the United States must meet in order to remain competitive in today's global economy.
Clearly our national animal must change - and this change must reflect our dichotomous nature. Above all else, it must retain the beauty and grace of the eagle, while simultaneously enhancing its power. Accordingly, I believe that the clear choice here can be only the griffin.
Please consider signing my petition. I consider it nothing less than a matter of national security.