We the undersigned believe that the current national anthem, while inspirational, has outlived its purpose. I mean, what is "spangled" anyway? Exactly.
We, therefore, believe - much as the Founding Fathers created a "breathing" Constitution to reflect the changing nature of this great evolving land - that a song more reflective of America's current state would better represent us as a people.
We, therefore, respectfully request that you, Mr. President, by executive order, change the national anthem of these United States to "Lump" - an inspirational ballad written by true American heroes, The Presidents of the United States of America.
God bless you, sir.
And may God bless the Presidents of the United of America.