Dear Mr. President,
It is time to end gum "snapping" once and for all.
I am not speaking of loud chewing, or the popping sound that accompanies the blowing of bubbles - I am speaking of an arcane, horrible process whereby a person may manipulate ordinary, wholesome chewing gum via their lips, teeth and tongue to produce a sound that, if Hell does exist, must surely punctuate the wails of the damned that echo through Satan's unholy domain; a sucking, clicking, slurping sound brought forth by none other than a gnashing of teeth.
Anyone can snap, Mr. President. I have heard rich men snap, and single teenage mothers. Wisdom may come from the mouths of babes, but too often, it is instead snaps.
It is time to end the snapping. Will you stand with me, President Obama?
Will you stand with US?