This is an extremely important petition for our nation and, frankly, for all nations. No human being should be deprived of the experience of witnessing Colin Kaepernick attempt to fit his football helmet over his massive fro. Furthermore, from here on, no human shall again be left to wonder about the specific shape Kaepernick's helmet-head will take once his helmet has been removed from his fro. Will it look like a flying saucer, a sombrero, or a deflated pierogi? No human should have to contemplate such weighty issues when the truth is so close at hand.
Thusly, we petition the White House to prevail upon Colin Kaepernick to keep his gargantuan fro free and natural under his helmet and to resist any attempt to diminish or restrain his fro before donning or removing his helmet.