It has come to our attention that at least 15 of these United States of America have expressed interest in secession (or at least some of their more educationally challenged citizens have).
Given that many of these people take a disproportionate share of federal money compared to the taxes they pay, and given their willingness to push our government to gridlock rather than work across the aisle, we hereby petition you to grant them their request of seccession.
However, these states do contain sensible pockets (see Austin, TX). Therefore, we suggest fencing off TX, AL, MS and AR, accepting those who wish to emigrate from the newly created United Confederacy of Jesus to the USA and providing free transport to the border for those secessionist-Americans who wish to leave.