Whereas teaching of grammar, spelling, and punctuation (GSP) in United States schools has been in decline for decades;
Whereas Anglophone countries employ significantly different practices with regard to GSP; and
Whereas the prevalence of GSP errors in the United States has reached an intolerable level;
We respectfully request that you, upon authority of the Weights and Measures Clause of the Constitution of the United States, create an executive agency, similar to the Académie Française, or persuade Congress to create such agency that shall
1. Set binding standards of GSP in American English for the United States government,
2. Recommend such non-binding standards for the people,
3. Report to Congress its findings and recommendations, and
4. Finally resolve the Oxford Comma debate.