In recognition of the desires of a minority of individuals in America to seek to secede from the United States of America, we do petition President Obama to immediately and peacefully establish a new nation state in the fine, long or fairly recent American tradition of nation building.
We request that an island of sufficient size be purchased or built of a mat of seaweed and BP oil tar in the Gulf of Mexico. And that said island/mat be given full rights of self determination.
The benefit to America and the island/mat are numerous. Washington will be able to get work done. And the island will be able to avoid teaching heresy like science and statistics. After a couple of generations we expect that the island will provide cheap labor to the US and Mexico.