If we’re being honest, the country has been in better shape. 1990s America was going to the gym every day, eating lots of kale and quinoa and having sex with its attractive girlfriend before getting 8 hours of sleep. But 2014 America contemplates ordering food before drinking a six pack and passing out on the couch alone. We’ve lost our vision. We need an emergency holiday, and this is the perfect excuse- the Fourth of July on the 21st of February.
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