We, the undersigned, urge President Barack Obama to delegate sufficient federal funds to the development and creation of lightsabers, to be used to maintain peace and justice in our nation.
While knowledge of current technologies only theorize the construction of such devices as inefficient "plasma torches," we are confident that, with adequate determination and funding, our scientists will be capable of designing a fully-functioning light sword with unparalleled utility.
From quickly slicing through thick metal to giving our soldiers the winning edge in the fast approaching zombie apocalypse, the lightsaber is, in the words of the noble Princess Leia, "our only hope." Please help our country truly move forward by working to make this a reality.