We ask that the President demand that the Town of Gettysburg Pennsylvania hand over all Shoes, Boots, Sandals (Including flip-flops and derivatives), to the Confederate Republic of Texas. The Unionists may keep their "crocs" as a gesture of good will between the fledgling Nation-States. The shoes must be turned over to the Government of Texas for immediate dispersal to our Line Infantry regiments, which will peacefully maintain our borders, and not attempt to shell any forts with howitzers, we promise. We also demand howitzers.
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