Wherefore, the petition to allow Arkansas to secede has garnered some 9,000 signatures, and
Wherefore, said petition, if granted would be detrimental to the State of Arkansas, and
Wherefore, said petition is asinine and the the signatures of a handful of extremists does not the will of the People make.
Therefore we the signatories hereby Petiton the President of the United States not to spend any amount of time considering the Petiton to allow Arkansas to secede from the United States on the basis that said Petition is not representative of the State of Arkansas and is completely asinine.