design & mass produce prosthetic thumbs for turtles. Then, attach them.

I'd like the government to allocate funds for the production and distribution of prosthetic thumbs for turtles, and distribute them to the public along with instructions on how to trap turtles and surgically attach the prosthetic thumbs. I recently came across a turtle that would only eat from chopsticks, and it occurred to me that aside from having a pretty sweet shell, turtles got the short end of the evolutionary stick. An opposable digit, however, would level the playing field a bit, and allow them to rescue themselves from common turtle dangers like backyard swimming pools, improperly maintained terrariums, soup lovers, and the aforementioned chopstick dilemma. Perhaps the instruction packet could also include small chopsticks...