In order to restore America's greatness at home and reestablish respect abroad, we petition the White House to designate January 17th as Muhammad Ali Day. (The date has significance, too: It's Ali's birthday!)
As a model of this country's defiant individualism and good humor, the life and works of this Kentucky son stand as a testament to the aims that should guide the ship of state in these troubled times: respect, confidence, conviction, dedication, charity, and spirituality — six core values that guide Ali's eponymous center in Louisville, Kentucky.
Also, should another nation run its mouth or generally act a fool, this petition would also grant the United States unequivocal authority to address allies and rogue nations alike in metered rhymes of mirth and general disparagement.