Hello, my name is Kolby Roberts and I want to be your next Director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives.
I currently live in Toledo, Ohio and I know first-hand the effects that these products have seeing as I am exposed to them every day in this dump of a city. Plus, a trip to Washington would be nice. I figured I could crash on my friend Bobby's couch while serving out my term.
What are my qualifications you may ask? Well, as a graduate of the University of Michigan with a BS in Biochemistry, I have no law enforcement experience per se. What I DO have is an IQ over 80 (I don't mean to brag) which is more than I can say about most of Washington. Plus I am an avid fan of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms. Thank you!!!!!!(Twenty more characters to go)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!