We the people would literally buy Progressive insurance if they promised to remove Flo from her position on our televisions at halftime. Heretofore she has committed numerous federal offenses including but not limited to:
-Quartering large bodies of offenses amongst our televisions
-Plundered our TVs, ravaged our couches, burned our retinas with the caricature of her terrible visage, and destroyed the lives of our people.
And for the support of this petition, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.