Americans ask for so little: just a strong Internet connection, Doritos-flavored Tacos, and a working HBOGO password. But one fundamental right is being denied the citizens of our country as a result of the corporate greed of the tyrannical Girls Scouts of the USA.
Long have we purchased their cookies, looking forward to selling season. Yet why are we limited to only purchasing Thin Mints once per year, and only from hordes of child laborers? Why are these purveyors of peanut butter patties given sole discretion on the selling season and price of these delicious goods? We demand antitrust legislation break up this mob of monetized minions and allow the patriots of these US of A access to these cookies 24/7/365.
(Doesn't apply to Boy Scouts, no one gives a shit about popcorn.)