When in the Course of sporting events, it becomes necessary for one fan base to dissolve the bands which have connected them with a head coach, and to assume among the powers of the grid-iron, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Football entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all fans are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Football Glory.