Few things unite Americans more than a common cause that we can rally around - something that we can all agree on. In these turbulent times, we may need that more than ever.
Therefore, we petition the Obama administration to force Edina High School junior Perry Bruder to join said high school's Hip-Hop Dance Team. Bruder, frankly, needs to come out his shell and express himself more fully, and watching his sick moves to rad beats at assemblies, football games, and pretty much any other time we want to will help him accomplish this. Moreover, helping even a single American express himself more fully can help us heal as a nation after the traumatic events of 9/11.