Mr. President, I come to you with an issue that has wide-ranging implications for Americans everywhere; for too long have we been teased by those blonde Republican bombshells in power suits showing just enough cleavage to garner our attention! It's all build-up and no payoff! This has to end now. We the People hereby resolve that if Fox News does not present us with a swimsuit calendar of all their sexy, angry supermodel news anchors, we'll all start watching that crotchety lesbian, Rachel Maddow, on MSNBC, instead.
We will accept nothing less than Megan Kelley, Laura Ingram, Michelle Malkin, Rebecca Diamond, Jenna Lee, Melissa Francis, Sandra Smith, Lauren Simonetti, Dominica Davis, Paige Hopkins, Julie Banderas and Jamie Coley in suggestive two-pieces in beach or poolside venues.