Jon Stewart announced his retirement on February Tenth, during the broadcast of the daily show.
It is, of course, perfectly reasonable for him to want to leave to pursue other opportunities and to spend time with his family.
However, as there is no one else that could conceivably take over at the helm of the only trustworthy news source on American television, sadly, Mr. Stewart will have to forgo having any kind of life away from the series he has piloted for nearly two decades.
Therefore, we the people ask that Jon Stewart be set outside and above the normal laws concerning the trivialities of liberty, and instead be chained to his desk for the rest of his natural life, or at least until he stops being funny.
If he didn't want to be king, he shouldn't have been so good at it.



