This federal program will be the glue that keeps our Union together in a time of manufactured rage and secessionist online petitions. United We Is will unveil a variety of events that will occupy the minds of citizens who have too much rage, too much time and too little cognitive resources to handle a more inclusive America. Events will include the Jangling of Keys, where postal carriers shake car keys in front of Fox News consumers; Hit Your Head on Hardwood, where contestants gather together to see who can strike the bull's-eye with the most force; and Free Freedonia!, a talk show on am radio about the USA's incredibly successful military mission in a fictitious country. Please support United We Is so United We Is can save America.
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