Our dear lord, Gaben, on a day, February 2, of 2015 in the year of our Lord, spoke unto man "LET THERE BE HATS."
Gaben was greeted by visions of these hats, and saw they were most glorious.
Thus after that day, it was found to be destined that our Lord Gaben be the holy leader of this Union of States.
Here is some background on our Dear Savior Gaben:
He was born on the third day of the eleventh month of the nineteen-thousand-and-sixty-seventh year, in a manger, surrounded by three wise hats. And it was from that day forward that Gaben was destined for greatness.
Some time after that day, he formed a most wonderful friendship with a certain Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, who also liked hats. Because of the ever-lasting love between the two, that the Monster shall be his Vice President