We, the good people of America, humbly albeit adamantly request that President Obama grow a proper mustache before he addresses Congress, the nation, and indeed the world in January of 2013. This sprouting forth of federal fuzz will show goodwill to America and her allies, hope for the upper lips on men everywhere, and a facefull of reasons the terrorists cannot win.
Let's face it, the White House has gone soft in the facial hair department. Why, we haven't had a decent mustachioed commander-in-chief since Roosevelt. President Obama, do the world a deed of equity and grace: grow some White House whiskers on that face.