I petition that the United States Government shall hereby grant to me, Ethan Perry, an unlimited supply of chocolate cake for my consumption or otherwise recreational use. This cake shall be delivered to me each Monday at 8:00 AM, in individual airtight containers so as not to spoil the freshness of the cake. Each delivery will consist of 10,000 containers, each of which will contain exactly 302 grams of delicious chocolate cake. Failure to provide timely cake delivery shall result in the detonation of a 50 megaton nuclear device buried deep in the Earth's core. Exceptions will be made in extreme cases such as alien invasion or zombie apocalypse. In cases such as these, cake delivery will be accepted one day late.
P.S.: The cake is a lie.