Tired of being mercilessly ridiculed for being a single, lonely, one-arm-suspiciously-stronger-then-the-other kind of dude? Do you have hopes for a girlfriend but the only time you're able to talk to them is when you're blackout drunk or saying "excuse me" when trying to pass by them? I say no more my fellows Americans; it's time for the government to get stiffer on this issue and have to it that every American is given a fake girlfriend on Twitter. This will (a) create jobs for women (b) create jobs for men (c) create more jobs (d) my friend on the inside said twitter is going to be huge someday, so this is the best platform (e) if you're on this website, reading this, a dude, than you're the perfect candidate for this petition. Be an American and sign this petition!
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