We PEACEFULLY petition to the Obama Administration to give us, the people, everything we want all the time for any reason. This list shall include (but not be limited to) the following: a good-paying job, access to healthcare, temperate weather, premium candies, candles with wooden wicks, oral sex, birthday cake, those sneakers with the little lights that flash up when you walk, those sneakers will the little wheels so you don't have to walk, the boxset of the HBO series The Wire, metal aglets, a sturdy walking cane and an assortment of hot sauces. We peacefully suggest that these benefits be funded by murdering the rich and stealing their babies.
Please also set up stores which eschew the disgusting & peverse 'profit' motive with something more charitable (ie free things for us).