Since ever petition I've seen on here wants to get ridiculous, let's go all the way. Every citizen of these great states deserves a unicorn, we are entitled to it. What better way to make Boxing Day relevant than to give us our own mystical flying creatures we can majestically ride to work?
And the lollipops? Well, lollipops are delicious, and don't you think the people deserve something delicious?
Come on Mr. President, you have one month to meet our demands or I will sell a dragon to the petitioners from Texas.
That's when shit gets real.