Given decades of shared history and every more entwined economies, Canada should end its common-law relationship with the United States and make itself respectable by entering into the bonds of marriage. To this end, the United States government will begin formal negotiations to secure Canada's hand and annex the Dominion of Canada, with due respect and consideration given the bride. Should Canada refuse, it should be pointed out she is not getting any younger and other nations might not be as nice. The United States will allow Canada to keep her maiden name but any children will carry the father's name.



