The remarkably unimpressed, underwhelmed and intelligent people, who, by chance, reside in the State of Texas, do hereby petition the federal government to grant us, as United States citizens monetary restitution for their lose of personal property and associated damages and expenses. This shall be dependent upon the State of Texas seceding and those loyal to the United States of America being forced to move back to the union, abandoning property for fear of actually being governed by the complete and utterly dysfunctional country of Texas, presided over by the ridiculously intellectually challenged (President) Rick Perry.
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