We, the undersigned, petition President Barack Obama to use his power to push for a new federal holiday in honor of Chuck C. Johnson pooping on the floor on the seventh floor of his dorm room.
This federal holiday -- Chuck Pooped The Floor Day -- shall be observed each December 9, except during Leap Years, during which years the holiday will move forward two days -- in honor of Chuck going Number 2 on the floor of his dorm -- to December 7, also in honor of the seventh floor on which Chuck C. Johnson pooped.