I demand the U.S. government give everyone a fake Twitter girlfriend

I demand the U.S. government give everyone a fake Twitter girlfriend. As Jon Stewart correctly pointed out, this may be the most important petition in recent history. What is a government for if not to create fake twitter girlfriends for us all? I demand change, and by change I mean we all deserve fake twitter girlfriends. You know what, why not limit it just to fake twitter girlfriends, I demand the US Government create fake twitter lovers, regardless of sex, for every man, woman and child in this great nation. Also this shows that literally and idiot with a dumb idea can make a petition. For my entire life I haven't had a fake twitter girlfriend, and I demand one! MURICA!