Whereas internet trolls have been proven to be incredibly annoying,
Whereas said trolls have cost the US billions of dollars in energy costs by running their computers 24/7 to make countless inane arguments,
Whereas said trolls have caused a decline in public health due to their unbelievably stupid comments,
Whereas a new petition has just been created by an internet troll that far exceeds any others in the economic, psychological, and spiritual damage it does to this country,
We, the American people, today ask you
1) To enact an immediate ban on internet trolling
2) To seize and destroy the computers of all said trolls and erase their presence on the internet
3) To prosecute said trolls for issues of libel, economic sabotage, and creation and promotion of public disorder