Every day, Americans wake up believing that they live in a free country. This might actually still be true, but since the Federal Government now has the power to read our emails and listen to our phone calls on the vaguest of pretenses and without a warrant, and State governments now have the authority to shoot our dogs, destroy our personal property, and choke-out adolescents because police get their feelings hurt, it's getting really hard to tell.
I hereby petition the White House to instruct the Office of the Attorney General and the Department of Justice to produce a guide on our civil rights and liberties so that every American can know what we actually have the right to do and the right to stop the government from doing.
And don't lie, because we'll find out.